A few weeks ago I had a rather uncomfortable and ill-timed meeting with fear and unworthiness. I say 'untimely' because it occurred on Valentine's Day while out with CHPG.
To save you a long story, one of my fears was addressed which lead me to admitting to him a personal question that I struggle with intensely when it comes to me being in any relationship. I tend to question whether or not I'm even worthy enough of being loved by someone else.
It took some coaxing on my end in my head, and a great deal of patience on his end while I coaxed myself. Fear is what you feel in new situations and how you react to them determines whether you expand or contract your comfort zone.
I knew admitting my fear of infidelity out loud to him wasn't anything that would physically harm me, so I took it one step at a time. Deciding to tell him, breathing, letting the tears fall, more breathing, hand writhing, and then a calmness before the admission.
We only feel hurt about what we care about, and most people use hurt and fear as a reason to not do something. If what you're feeling fearful about isn't going to physically harm you, keep moving toward it so that you can eventually move passed it.
Our psychological programming of hurt feelings and fear tell us to stop doing whatever it is that we're feeling hurt or fearful about. Our bodies scream to us, "This is uncharted territory! Stop! We don't know what's going to happen!" But what's wrong with uncharted territory? Yes, we may not know what's going to happen, but what if we took the chance anyway and something spectacular came of it.
Haven't you had those moments where you were so scared of doing or saying something because you didn't know how someone was going to react or didn't know how the situation would pan out? Then something good comes of it or they react positively and you sit back and think, "There was really nothing to be scared of. I don't even know why I was so scared. I was just being silly."
Emotionally, I wanted to let him in on what was going through my head. If you're a regular reader of XO Panda, you know that I've been on an ongoing mission to expand my comfort zone and trying/doing new things, and this was definitely one of them. Acting in spite of that fear though is called 'courage'.
If we stop doing things because its hurt us or we're afraid, we end up hurting ourselves by keeping ourselves from attaining what we really want. We start living with regret. We start letting fear control us and our lives instead of us being in control and telling fear to kick rocks.
Photo Credit: Paul Nichols