I deal with chronic worrying and thus, anxiety. One of the traits of worrying is "the inability to tolerate uncertainty". There is a constant need to know with 100% certainty, what's going to happen. The fact of the matter is, NOBODY knows with 100% certainty what's going to happen in any situation. Especially when those situations involve other people. With this constant need to worry about what could happen, it creates aversions, in my situation. Because I don't know what's going to happen, I don't do it. (Whatever it is/was I was thinking about doing.)
-I need to be brave when I finally learn to drive. The thought and possibility of being able to actually kill somebody with a vehicle that is supposed to be under MY control was too much for me to handle, but I've taken a course at a driving school and am determined to learn stick shift, and finally get my license.
-I need to be brave when I start paying off my debt and get thatmuch closer to being where I want to be financially. This one is a good one. Sometimes I fear success as well as failure.
-I need to be brave as I learn to swim. Yes, the thought of drowning was as powerful as potentially killing someone unintentionally with a car.
-I need to be brave as I accomplish things that put me outside of my comfort zone thus making me a better person, and stretching my limit. I overheard something the other day that essentially was, "If you don't push yourself to your limit, you'll never know what your limit actually is."
-I need to be brave as I head into a new direction in life that is FULL of uncertainty, of which I still haven't fully committed to, because guess what? I'M AFRAID!
I'm tired of being afraid. Tired of not doing things that I've always wanted to try or do, simply because I'm not 100% sure of the outcome once I do try/ do those things.
One of my biggest fears right now is about losing a person extremely close to me because their demons are getting the best of them. Losing this person would be completely debilitating, especially since I consider him to be my soul mate. Sometimes I feel like I want him to get help more than he wants it, which is really unfortunate because ultimately it's him who's going to have to want it bad enough. I had three panic attacks at work Wednesday night thinking about that situation. The last one which left me shaking like a Chihuahua with its tail in between its legs, for 20 minutes afterward.
In Elise's post there is a photo of a quote by Nelson Mandela:
"I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers fear."
This is the year I conquer my fears.
XO Panda
PS: If you're unfamiliar with the concept of One Little Word, take a second to read Ali Edwards' original 2007 One Little Word post.
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